As Toastmasters, we often find ourselves in the “laboratory of leadership.” Whether we are serving as Club Officers, Area Directors, or Contest Chairs, we are constantly navigating the complexities of human interaction. However, even the most seasoned leaders can find themselves blindsided by a sudden, sharp conflict.
Recently, while serving as an Area Director and organizing our Area Contests, I encountered a classic leadership challenge. A club requested to enter a contestant at the very last minute, well after the established deadlines. When I provided the necessary feedback—that we had to maintain the integrity of the schedule for all participants—I received a response that many of us fear: a lengthy, highly critical email.
The message didn’t just question the decision; it compared my current performance to the sender’s past tenure in the same role, suggesting that their “previous way” was superior.
This moment was the catalyst for my Pathways project on Understanding Conflict Resolution. It led me to a realization – I could say it was a revelation: most conflicts aren’t actually about the present moment. They are often “ghosts” of what was, or what someone feels should have been.
To move from friction to flow, we must stop living in the P.A.S.T.
The P.A.S.T. Framework for Resolution – moving from the past to the present and then on to the bright future – towards evolution.
When we find ourselves in the middle of a disagreement or a heated argument , we can use this four-step approach to ground the conversation and find a path forward.
P – Perceptions (The “Why”)
Conflict is rarely about facts; it is about different views of the same “truth.” In my situation, my perception was one of fairness and adherence to District protocol. The other person’s perception was one of exclusion and a missed opportunity for their member. Neither was “wrong,” but our clashing viewpoints created the friction.
The Lesson: Before reacting, ask yourself: “What is their perception of this situation, and how does it differ from mine?”
A – Assumptions (The “Why”)
Assumptions are the silent killers of collaboration. We often assume we know a person’s motives. In this case, the sender assumed my adherence to the deadline was a lack of support for their club. They also assumed that past methods were the only valid ones for the present.
The Lesson: Challenge your own assumptions. Are you reacting to what is actually happening, or what you think the other person intends?
S – Shared Space (The “How”)
Resolution requires a shift to the present. Instead of engaging in a “digital duel” of back-and-forth emails, we must invite the other party into a Shared Space. This means stepping away from the “you said” and “you did” and moving toward a “we are here now.” In a shared space, we acknowledge the emotions involved without letting them drive the bus.
The Lesson: Move the conversation to a more personal medium—a call or a face-to-face meeting—to find common ground in the “now.”
T – Target Goal (The “How”)
Every conflict needs an exit strategy, and that is the Target Goal. I had to ask: “Is the goal to win an argument about who was a better Area Director, or is the goal to provide the best possible experience for our members today?” When you align on a future-focused target, the petty ghosts of the past lose their power.
The Lesson: Always ask the other person: “What is the result we both want to see for our members/club moving forward?”
Choosing the Future
That accusatory email could have been a source of stress for weeks. Instead, it became a learning opportunity. By applying the P.A.S.T. framework, I realized that I didn’t have to defend myself against a ghost.
Conflict is inevitable when passionate people work together, but staying in conflict is a choice. The next time you face a leadership hurdle, don’t look back at what “should have been.” Use the P.A.S.T. to build a bridge to a better future.
Are you working on a Pathways project that changed your perspective on leadership? Share your thoughts with the District 86 community!
About the author:
Kannan Gopal began his Toastmasters journey at Mississauga Valley Toastmasters Club in Ontario, Canada. He is now part of the Comfortably Speaking Toastmasters Club and also the Area E04 Director in District 86. He volunteers as an Effective Speaking and Leadership coach for the 800 Black Forest Squadron, Royal Canadian Air Cadets and serves as a leader at other volunteer organizations.
With a passion for storytelling, Kannan crafts speeches that weave life lessons, inspiration, and motivation into every message. His ability to connect with audiences through engaging narratives has shaped his growth as a speaker. This blog is his way of sharing one such realization, and trusting it will offer both insight and inspiration—a read worth your time.